March 14, 2008

Flight Attendant Diaries

New Fabric + Time = HOT Aprons!!!!!!

Now if I can just figure out the equation for time I'm sure I would be more productive.

On a completely different topic, the other day I was cleaning out my garage and came across a box full of clothes. In the box was my flight attendant uniform from my brief stint working for an airline company which shall remain nameless. It was brief because apparently I get air sick on planes. I was not aware of this due to the fact that I had only been on a plane twice before I got the flight attendant job and both times I took Dramamine "just in case I get sick." My first signs of air sickness came during my first training flight in which I had to wear a badge that broadcast "training flight attendant." It only took 10 minutes into the flight before I was hurling into a barf bag while sitting next to a passenger. By the time we landed, the passenger looked at me and said "You may need to rethink your career choice." Hmmm... gee ya think! Is barfing for over half of the first training flight for a flight attendant necessarily a career killer? Again my defiant attitude refused to accept this fact. I found that day-time Dramamine and food helped ease the air sickness (not eliminate it). It was the weight gain that made me quit. I could tolerate the sickness and odd work hours, but not the weight gain. I was constantly eating the oh so delicious in-flight cookies in order to prevent myself from getting sick... again... and again...

There was one particular incident that involved Daryl Hanna (mermaid) the actor (or is it actress...tomato, tamato). I was working first class and had the pleasure of serving Miss Hanna (flight attendant talk). At one point during the flight she asked me to tell her when we would be flying over the Colorado border so that she could try to see her house. Sure thing! In between my barf bag interruptions I'll just keep an eye out for that one tree with the purple flower that marks the border between Colorado and Utah. Anyways, she was really kind and nice to me and to be quite honest, we schmoozed quite a bit. At one point I thought she could possibly be my new BFF (psycho thought, must have been all the daytime Dramamine i was taking). So feeling the queasiness coming on I grabbed a dinner roll (left over) off a plate in the galley. What!? I was getting sick. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. All of a sudden I hear someone coming around the corner. Quickly I ditched the roll and turned to see Miss Hanna standing in front of me. She had a question about something (can't remember what it was), and as she was talking to me I noticed her zeroing in on a particular area of my lip. She then squints and with a disgusted look on her face, points to my lip and says "You have something... there" It was like in the movies when it's in slow mo and the voice gets real deep and slooooooowwwww. So I brushed off what is, and I'm not kidding you, the biggest bread crumb ever to sit on a persons lip. It was as if the whole freakin roll itself was sitting on what I believe may have been a numb lip. For the rest of the flight she didn't really talk to me. In fact, I would say she flat out ignored me. Though I may have lost a potential BFF, I gained a ridiculously great embarrassing story to blog about. A little self-deprecation never hurts.



Giabella Designs said...

You are too funny! I was a flight attendant for 1 month. I worked for the small part of a large airline, you know the one where the passegers have to lug their own luggage on the tarmack to the airplane?!!! HEE HEE I didn't like being the only flight attendance with 1 pilot and co-pilot for overnights. Was in my very early 20's. Great "star" story.

ANYWHOOOOOO....I just love your aprons!

Jamie Christina said...

I wonder if there is a "flight attendant" blog? If not, someone should start one. It would be hilarious!